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My patronus is...

How could you not love Harry Potter!?!?

What Form Would Your Patronus Take? (With 10 Excellent Results & Pictures)

Your Patronus would be a Wolf! Take this quiz! Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

Existentialist, huh? You don't have to be a seer to figure that one out

You scored as Existentialism, Your life is guided by the concept of Existentialism: You choose the meaning and purpose of your life. “Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.” “It is up to you to give [life] a meaning.” --Jean-Paul Sartre “It is man's natural sickness to believe that he possesses the Truth.” --Blaise Pascal More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page... Existentialism 90% Hedonism 70% Strong Egoism 70% Utilitarianism 65% Kantianism 60% Justice (Fairness) 45% Nihilism 40% Apathy 15% Divine Command 5% What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03) created with QuizFarm.com

Waiting For My Real Life to Begin

I wish I could leave tomorrow, and go back home to A-. I have always believed in signs, omens, destiny, whatever you want to call it. Well, for the past few months, I have been getting a lot of signs that I am destined to move back to A- for good. Over the past four years, I have been slowly realizing the importance of family and being around friends. It is not the same over the phone, or email, and I feel as if I am wasting my life. My mantra for so long has been that I am waiting for my real life to begin. But instead of waiting for things to get better or wait for that something great to happen, I should just be thankful I have people who care about me, and adapt my life to fit both myself and my loved ones. Instead of nothing fitting me, I need to learn to mould what is given to me to make the most of it. Does that make sense?

Songs for Inspiration and Meditation:
"When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened, But in my dreams, I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path, and up this cobbled lane, I'm walking in my old footsteps, once again
And you say, just be here now, Forget about the past, your mask is wearing thin
Let me throw one more dice, I know that I can win
I'm waiting for my real life to begin

Any minute now, my ship is coming in, I’ll keep checking the horizon
And I'll check my machine, there's sure to be that call,
It's gonna happen soon, soon, soon, It's just that times are lean "
-Colin Hay, "Waiting for My Real Life to Begin"

"This is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
when the world was younger and you had everything to lose"
-Switchfoot, "This is Your Life"

"Pilgrim, how you journey, On the road you chose
To find out why the winds die, And where the stories go.
All days come from one day, That much you must know,
You cannot change what's over, But only where you go...

Each heart is a pilgrim, Each one wants to know
The reason why the winds die, And where the stories go.
Pilgrim, in your journey, You may travel far,
For pilgrim it's a long way, To find out who you are"
-Enya, "Pilgrim"

I work two blocks west from the Viper Room, where River Phoenix died. River was my favorite actor as a kid, and I was devastated when he died of a drug overdose in 1994. I don't pass it daily, but being so close is a constant reminder. His tragic life has always inspired me to live a good life, for yourself and not to please others solely. Not to betray your own beliefs.

Writer in me

I have several stories started, including two that look promising as future novels. I have been spending a lot of time reading lately. Stephen King has said that in order to be a good writer, you have to be an avid reader. So I am reading a lot of fiction, with mystery and supernatural leanings, but with solid character development. I am really getting into the works of Alice Hoffman, the writer of Practical Magic, which was adapted to film in 1998 starring Sandy Bullock and Nicole Kidman. Hopefully, this weekend I will finish up my dark gate podcasts that I want to get out, and work some on my writing.

I have two goals I have been carrying since childhood: to become a teacher and to be a writer.

Ravenclaw

The sorting hat says that I belong in Ravenclaw!

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Said Ravenclaw, "We'll teach those whose intelligence is surest."

Ravenclaw students tend to be clever, witty, intelligent, and knowledgeable.
Notable residents include Cho Chang and Padma Patil (objects of Harry and Ron's affections), and Luna Lovegood (daughter of The Quibbler magazine's editor).

Take the most scientific Harry Potter
Quiz ever created.

Get Sorted Now!

Small Town Livin'

I have always wanted to live in a small town. Granted, I grew up in a medium-sized city, by midwestern standards. My city was quite city. I thought I wanted to live in a big city. I've been there, done that. Currently living in Los Angeles, and it is much bigger than I ever imagined. As I am driving to work, or should I say crawling down Sunset Boulevard to work, I wish I were driving to work down a lonely country road.

I dream of living in a really small town, with single family houses, lots of open land, trees, safety. You can walk everywhere, go to the one town market for groceries. I would love a charming small town where everybody knows each other and has town fairs. The traditional, idyllic small town USA.

I know they still exist, and that a lot of urban folk like me move there to escape the concrete jungle. If I have a family, I want to have it in a place like that. Even if I had to work for Wal-Mart to make a living. I think it would be better than the materialistic, capitalistic, corporate-loving, environmentally toxic urban world. Not that there is anything wrong with it... it's just not for me.

I want to find a way to live this life. I'm young, and have lived and seen many places that I have only dreamed of experiencing. But now it is time to find a place that puts me at ease, where I can see the stars and hear the crickets as I fall asleep. A place I can grow a beautiful garden and take long walks. Where I could camp in my backyard if I wanted.

I need to live a life like this. It is much more "me" than the life I am leading. I need to look into this. Oh, and Happy Birthday to my sister, my best friend. I miss you--- you are so far away!!

Start of some soul searching

I am now entering the last year of my 20's, and I have actually started going backwards. Yeek! So in an effort to feel better about this backstep and being 29, I have been watching films that make me feel good. Films that make me feel as if I will find my place in this world. Great works of film genius they are not, but something about them calls to me. Practical Magic, Sweet Home Alabama, Elizabethtown. The only one missing is Where the Heart is. I'll see it yet.

I ran off to Los Angeles because I thought somehow I would fall back into my old life. But I have come to realize that it is too late to go back. I am 1) not the same person I was then; and 2) I do not have as much money as I did then. This past year and a half has been devestating to me. I just don't know what or how to pull through it and get to the place that feels right for me. Both in my personal and professional life. Neither are going in the right direction.

I seem to be really down and pessimistic in my recent postings, but I can't help it. I can't say this stuff to anyone around me, except my sister. I'm going to do a series of personality etc. tests and begin some serious soul searching to try to pull myself out of this before I off myself or do something equally stupid. Here's the first.

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a wanderer. You constantly long for a new adventure, challenge, or eve a completely different life. You are not a very grounded person. You prefer dreams to reality. For you, it's all about possibilities. You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you. Your near future is still unknown, and a little scary. You'll get through wild times - and you'll textually enjoy it. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

Home

Home...

“Home is not where you live, but where they understand you” -Christian Morganstern
“Home is the place where it feels right to walk around without shoes” -Unknown

These are abstract concepts for me. Not something I have experience with. I have never felt as if I were at home anywhere.

I used to feel like Los Angeles was home, but now that I live here, it does not feel the same as when I was a visitor. It is different than I thought it would be. It is more crowded than I remember. More... what's the word? Impersonal. I long to find a place to call my own. I don't know if it is because we are still not settled In other words, K still can't find work. But that is not it.

I have a romantic view of my future, and I don't know if it will ever come to pass. I think I like living in a smaller place (I know, everything is smaller than Los Angeles). But that's not it. I want to live in a small town, have a house with a front porch, and be friends with my neighbors. Is it too much to ask that my indiscretions from my past be absolved before I am too old to follow my dreams? I am turning 29 on Friday. A few more years and the biological clock will be in the red zone as far as having a child. Do I want one? Maybe. I feel some inclination, but at the same time, a resounding no. It is part of the fabric of the women in my generation who are well-educated. We put off having a family until the last minute to pursue a career. I am muddling by in this world I have created for myself, and I do not like it one bit.

I am a paralegal. A field that can be well-paying and satisfactory. But I want to be a teacher. Always have, always will. But I can't qualify for a teaching credential in any state that I have researched. Just because my GPA from college is too low. I can get a master's degree and become a licensed counselor, but not a teaching license. Maybe I'll teach college. But I need to finish grad school to do that. And financially, I'm not in a position to do that right now. Rock and a hard place, where I am now.

My future looks bleak, and far from the life I would like to lead. Maybe I need a miracle.
Reading: IT by Stephen King
Listening to: oldies (a summer guilty pleasure)

Great meme

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Introduction

Hello new friends!

I came to a rather sad realization today. Although I feel good about my decision, I'm not sure it is the best for the Supernatural fandom. I produce two podcasts, Dark Gate Horror Podcast and Supernatural Podcast. The latter being the subject of current concern. I used to love doing the podcast. I have met great people by email and Skype, and used to spend a lot of time delving into the mythology and legend behind the topics on the show. Season 2 has been a different focus, taking the reviews away from the legend and lore and into family drama. Nonetheless, I have been slowing growing quite discontent. I love to read, write and research, but I do not get the same satisfaction with the podcast as I do with my personal writing endeavors, and have thus decided to stop doing the Supernatural Podcast. I will continue with Dark Gate Horror Podcast, and will produce episodes more frequently with only one podcast. And I will have more time for reading and writing than I do now.

This is a new blog. Here I intend to write, muse and delve into the rest of my hobby and possible future profession. Until later, thanks for wandering here, and I hope you become a constant reader.

Peace,
Ellen

Reading- Haunted Women: The Best Supernatural Tales by American Women Writers, edited by Alfred Bendixen.
Listening- Snow Patrol