Small Town Livin'

I have always wanted to live in a small town. Granted, I grew up in a medium-sized city, by midwestern standards. My city was quite city. I thought I wanted to live in a big city. I've been there, done that. Currently living in Los Angeles, and it is much bigger than I ever imagined. As I am driving to work, or should I say crawling down Sunset Boulevard to work, I wish I were driving to work down a lonely country road.

I dream of living in a really small town, with single family houses, lots of open land, trees, safety. You can walk everywhere, go to the one town market for groceries. I would love a charming small town where everybody knows each other and has town fairs. The traditional, idyllic small town USA.

I know they still exist, and that a lot of urban folk like me move there to escape the concrete jungle. If I have a family, I want to have it in a place like that. Even if I had to work for Wal-Mart to make a living. I think it would be better than the materialistic, capitalistic, corporate-loving, environmentally toxic urban world. Not that there is anything wrong with it... it's just not for me.

I want to find a way to live this life. I'm young, and have lived and seen many places that I have only dreamed of experiencing. But now it is time to find a place that puts me at ease, where I can see the stars and hear the crickets as I fall asleep. A place I can grow a beautiful garden and take long walks. Where I could camp in my backyard if I wanted.

I need to live a life like this. It is much more "me" than the life I am leading. I need to look into this. Oh, and Happy Birthday to my sister, my best friend. I miss you--- you are so far away!!

Start of some soul searching

I am now entering the last year of my 20's, and I have actually started going backwards. Yeek! So in an effort to feel better about this backstep and being 29, I have been watching films that make me feel good. Films that make me feel as if I will find my place in this world. Great works of film genius they are not, but something about them calls to me. Practical Magic, Sweet Home Alabama, Elizabethtown. The only one missing is Where the Heart is. I'll see it yet.

I ran off to Los Angeles because I thought somehow I would fall back into my old life. But I have come to realize that it is too late to go back. I am 1) not the same person I was then; and 2) I do not have as much money as I did then. This past year and a half has been devestating to me. I just don't know what or how to pull through it and get to the place that feels right for me. Both in my personal and professional life. Neither are going in the right direction.

I seem to be really down and pessimistic in my recent postings, but I can't help it. I can't say this stuff to anyone around me, except my sister. I'm going to do a series of personality etc. tests and begin some serious soul searching to try to pull myself out of this before I off myself or do something equally stupid. Here's the first.

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a wanderer. You constantly long for a new adventure, challenge, or eve a completely different life. You are not a very grounded person. You prefer dreams to reality. For you, it's all about possibilities. You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you. Your near future is still unknown, and a little scary. You'll get through wild times - and you'll textually enjoy it. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul