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“Home is not where you live, but where they understand you” -Christian Morganstern
“Home is the place where it feels right to walk around without shoes” -Unknown

These are abstract concepts for me. Not something I have experience with. I have never felt as if I were at home anywhere.

I used to feel like Los Angeles was home, but now that I live here, it does not feel the same as when I was a visitor. It is different than I thought it would be. It is more crowded than I remember. More... what's the word? Impersonal. I long to find a place to call my own. I don't know if it is because we are still not settled In other words, K still can't find work. But that is not it.

I have a romantic view of my future, and I don't know if it will ever come to pass. I think I like living in a smaller place (I know, everything is smaller than Los Angeles). But that's not it. I want to live in a small town, have a house with a front porch, and be friends with my neighbors. Is it too much to ask that my indiscretions from my past be absolved before I am too old to follow my dreams? I am turning 29 on Friday. A few more years and the biological clock will be in the red zone as far as having a child. Do I want one? Maybe. I feel some inclination, but at the same time, a resounding no. It is part of the fabric of the women in my generation who are well-educated. We put off having a family until the last minute to pursue a career. I am muddling by in this world I have created for myself, and I do not like it one bit.

I am a paralegal. A field that can be well-paying and satisfactory. But I want to be a teacher. Always have, always will. But I can't qualify for a teaching credential in any state that I have researched. Just because my GPA from college is too low. I can get a master's degree and become a licensed counselor, but not a teaching license. Maybe I'll teach college. But I need to finish grad school to do that. And financially, I'm not in a position to do that right now. Rock and a hard place, where I am now.

My future looks bleak, and far from the life I would like to lead. Maybe I need a miracle.
Reading: IT by Stephen King
Listening to: oldies (a summer guilty pleasure)